“Faith My Eyes” by Caedmon’s Call

As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I’m reminded of
The streets of my home town
How much they like this concrete
That’s warm beneath my feet

And how I’m all wrapped up
In my mother’s face
With a touch of my father
Just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother’s laugh
More wrapped up in what binds our
Ever distant lives.

But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don’t want to know
Life is better off a mystery

So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes

The hometown weather is on TV
And I imagine the lives
Of the people living there
And I’m curious if they imagine me
They just want to leave,

I wish that I could stay
I get turned around
And I mistake my happiness for blessing
And I’m blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I’m dressing

So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes

So I’ll sing a song of my home town
Breathe the air and walk the streets
Maybe find a place to sit and read
But the ants are welcome company

So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes

Dear God, not all songs have to beat you over the head with religious talk or explicit prayers to you to speak to my soul. This song is a great example of a Christian just kind of taking some contemplative moments to work through some things. Instead of going through this one verse by verse, I want to just pull out a couple of phrases that speak to me because, like all good poetry, a lot of this was written for the poet himself and wasn’t intended for me. But it does give me a peek into the life and struggles of a fellow believer as he works out his path and his faith with fear and trembling. :

The first verse:

It’s interesting to go back and remember being away from home for the first time. My memories are a little clouded, but I remember being a freshman in college and trying to build new routines. I was, for the first time, having a life experience completely separate from my parents or siblings. I was building a new life in a new place, in a totally different city. I remember trying several things out to see what would work. I would find different places to read my Bible. I tried out jogging around campus. I tried out the different cafeterias on campus to see which one I liked. I tried out some different friends, ultimately hanging out mainly with my roommate and two other guys. I remember walking across campus one morning and hearing the bells in the administration building playing a hymn and thinking that you were there on campus and welcome. While it was a Christian school, it was not as conservative as other Christian schools, but you were there, and I was grateful. I’m trying to remember what I did for church. I think I went somewhere, but I can’t quite remember where. I think I tried several churches that first year.

Even now, I live a life that is completely different than my family of origin. It’s in a different town. I have a career that none of them has experienced. I’m fortunate to be 50 years old and have all of them still living. But we are all certainly different and living different lives.

And the sound of my brother’s laugh
More wrapped up in what binds our
Ever distant lives.

My siblings and I are very different from each other. I joke that my brother and I are photo negatives of each other. Outside of a love for cars (especially old cars), we have nothing in common. But social media and texting have been a remarkable thing for my brother, sister, and me. Even though we live in different cities, I would say that being able to check in with each other via text and social media has drawn us closer over the last 5-10 years than we were the previous 20. I’m grateful for that because I really do love them and want the best for them. And we’ve all been able to support each other through different trials in ways that we weren’t before. I’m glad that I would not describe our relationships now as “ever distant.”

I get turned around
And I mistake my happiness for blessing
And I’m blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I’m dressing

The whole idea of happiness is an interesting one. What is success? What does a blessed life look like? How do I misinterpret the different situations or realities in my life? When things were really rough seven years ago, did I miss that I was actually living in the middle of your blessing at that moment? When things are going well, do I interpret that as you being extra happy with me? Am I any closer to seeing the reality that you see, or do I still just see the world through my own eyes. That brings me to the chorus.

So keep on coming
These lines on the road
Keep me responsible
Be it a light or a heavy load
Keep me guessing
These blessings in disguise
I’ll walk with grace me feet
And faith my eyes

I suppose this chorus kind of sums things up for me. Keep coming life. Father, help me to do what I need to do to live up to the responsibilities you have for me. Help me to let go of evaluating my life by measuring only the things I can see and understand, but to embrace every circumstance (be it a light or heavy load) as being part of the journey you have for me. Help me to walk in grace. And help me to see my life through faith and not what my eyes actually see because my eyes lie to me all of the time.

In Jesus’s name I pray,

Amen