Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord — now and always.

Psalm 131:1-3

Dear God, I woke up at 2:30 this morning worried about a friend who might have a serious health condition. My mind was really racing so I had the thought that I just need to be still before you. But even with that thought I was not able to still myself. Then I decided to listen to a sermon podcast from a church I have visited before. The pastor referenced this psalm. And while the sermon wasn’t about a topic that spoke to me, this passage did. It seemed to echo what I think you had spoken to me. Maybe it’s for me. Maybe it’s also for my friend.

In times like great illness, it is tempting to ask why me? Why does a loving God allow this to happen? Where is God in this tragedy? I’ve never thought of answering those questions with the first verse of this psalm: “Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp.” The truth is, it is hubris to think I can understand your ways. It is my pride that drives me to think I can grasp the complexities of this world. Chaos Theory is not chaotic to you at all.

“Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

A child demands answers from her or his parent. Even the teenaged child expects justice and fairness. They expect the parent to provide and equitable structure. But that’s not how it works, and eventually that child should stop feeling sorry for themselves and make their way through life. They calm down and, if they are well-adjusted, they press on. Tragedy might possibly be falling upon my friend. I don’t know how she will respond, but maybe I can guide her into stillness before you.

“O Israel, put your hope in the Lord — now and always.”

Father, my hope is only in you. It is in you and your provision while I’m here on earth and it is in you in death. Not only for my life and death, but for the lives and deaths of everyone I know. Help me to live in that truth and to spread that truth. I am your child, but I should be weaned by now. I’ve been a discipline Christian for 31 years. Please help me to live in that maturity and to be able to share it with the world around me.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen