Dear God, I’ve decided to spend each day going through the four areas of Pastoral Identity listed in the Community of Hope curriculum that I’m teaching on Tuesday night: Attitude, Ability, Authority, and Accountability. Yesterday, I did Attitude. Today, I am up to Ability.

Here is what I have in my PowerPoint slides regarding Ability:

• Ability means developing and practicing the skills for caring.
  • Listening attentively.
  • Setting aside your own prejudices to be accepting and non-judgmental.
  • Using wisdom to know what to say or not to say in return.
• Your starting point is authenticity and humility. Then you actively live it out.
  • You must die to any need you have to be affirmed or appreciated.
• Your commitments.
  • Start and continue the process of self-discovery.
    • How have you related to God?
    • How have you interpreted God’s presence?
    • How have you dealt with your fear and pain?
    • How have you related to others?
    • How have your painful experiences changed you?
• Learn Pastoral Skills that done come naturally.
  • Listening without trying to fix.
  • Listening without telling your own story.
  • Listening without passing judgment or correcting the other person’s theology.
  • Sitting beside the person, trusting God’s presence to be there with and through you, even when there are no answers to fix the situation.

You know, it’s hard to remember all of this at any given time, but I think it simply comes down to a spirit of humility (going back to Attitude). “As I sit here with you and minister to you, I am actively dying to any need within myself to look good in your eyes.” If I cannot do that then I cannot listen without trying to fix (here, let me give you my solution and have you be impressed with me), listen without telling my own story (here, let me tell you about my suffering so you can feel sorry for me and/or be impressed with how I came through it), listen without passing judgment or correcting the other person’s theology (here, let me show you how you are wrong and what you did wrong), and sit beside the person and trust that your presence will be there to comfort, even when there are no answers to fix the situation (here, let me insert my solution and wisdom here instead of allowing you to work this out with God).

I have been trying to walk this line with someone lately, and it has been hard. I care so much. I see problems that scare me. And I feel some amount of responsibility to help this person because I’m not sure they see some of the dangers ahead. At the same time, I know that this person will not accept my solutions, nor should they without coming to a point where they are actively seeking your will for their life and discerning what you have next for them.

Father, help me to embody your pastoral presence in ever situation. Whether it be with friends, coworkers, family members, or simply people in the community with whom I interact. Help me to decrease so that you might increase. If I am telling my own story in a humble way, which I think is important for all of us to be willing to do, help me to do it in a way that is dead to my own ego and how I hope it will affect what others think about me.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen